And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize