is your mom at the bar?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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