in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He has the fingertips of a God
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