so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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