well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
