erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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