he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
