Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
