my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize