im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
