He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
