Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
