I just cut my nipple shaving
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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