guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Randomize
