I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Someone came in the potted fern
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
