I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
