Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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