oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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