walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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