He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
did i just pee glitter
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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