All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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