I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
