Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
