when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
