Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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