I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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