I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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