Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
