I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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