I'm really into asian looking animals
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
