I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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