I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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