i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
