I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
