He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
