Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I haven't been this sober since birth.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
