My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Shame - the story of my life.
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