evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
