sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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