i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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