Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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