the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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