Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
