My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
