I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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