I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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