A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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