Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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