if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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