i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
