Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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