I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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