fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
