He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
