just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
