I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
