True but thats because hes a fetus.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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