i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
