We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize