Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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