Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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