I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
