Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize