How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
