This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
