we have officially lost it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
