Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
