Sry I called you an 8
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
