Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Be still, my beating vagina.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
