His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
