i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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