I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need water and some morals
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize