They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
