Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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