He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
