so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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