i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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