My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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