Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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