I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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