I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
