One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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