Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He better not be in your backpack
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
