Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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