Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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