Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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