who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
