wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
