i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
