Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
