Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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