Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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