Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
