Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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