it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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