The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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