My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
