Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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