found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
